As I walked down University Ave today I stopped to look around. The autumn leaves were strewn across the grounds, the temperature around 60 with a light gentle breeze carrying the crisp aroma of *sniff* beer? I quickly checked the date. Sure enough, it was the first week of October and Oktoberfest was well underway. Few in the United States are aware of the historical origins or cultural significance of Oktoberfest but who cares about weddings between inbreeding aristocrats and German Reunification when you can get lots of cheap beer?! For college students it is a time of fellowship and fun times as they play traditional drinking games such as Drunk Eye for the Sober Girl and Coyote Ugly Peek-A-Boo.
Beer is the cause of civilization when the nomads wondering the vast continents had to settle down to make more beer. Beer is also the cause of the some of the greatest historical events in history from the drunks starting the Boston Tea Party, the creation of Manchester United and the infamous Monica Lewinsky scandal with Bill Clinton (Damn beer goggles). It doesn't matter if it's watered down camel urine such as Busch Light or an acquired taste like King Cobra; if you make it free, they will come. However, with this fun comes consequences. Problems with beer consumption should be obvious unless you're a Russian general. Alcoholism is on the rise and students are spending more time in the emergency room than in the classroom. Drinking and driving is also a large problem on campus.
Almost all of the problems associated with alcohol can be easily avoided if you use something God supposedly gave all of us, it's called your brain. Granted, some brains work better than others but common sense should not elude you unless you decide to run for congress. Nonetheless, we'll assume you don't know anything about beer beyond what you and your friends swiped from your parent's liquor cabinet. While we do not condone underage drinking, like playing Halo 3 on a school day we know you're going to do it anyway. Here are some general tips on drinking.
1: MODERATION IS KEY. We know, you've heard this saying since kindergarten when Ms. Imahemoroid told you not to scarf down your Shark Bites and Elmer's Glue but somehow people ignore it anyway. It's fun to push your limits but not to the extent where you can be taken advantage of by Bea Arthur or the creepy guy in the corner.
2: DO NOT drink anything that was not prepared and/or opened in front of you. Otherwise, don't be surprised when you wake up somewhere else with someone else.
3: Find your proper ratio of pizza and beer. Water is also a great counterweight to alcohol but solid sustenance works best and it gets the Old Milwaukee taste out of your mouth faster.
4: Just because it goes down easy, doesn't mean it will exit easy. Cocktail drinks are a favorite amongst sororities and people who just can't stand the taste of anything from Canada. They go down easy and taste fruity, however, they ALWAYS contain hard alcohol. Drinking a kamikaze cocktail for instance has a 1:3 ratio of vodka to juice. Vodka typically contains 40-70% alcohol. You do the math, realize how many shots are in each 12oz keg cups and how quickly it gets to your stomach. To make matters worse, unsuspecting victims will drink these quickly without a second thought. I once had eight kamikaze cocktails in under 45 minutes not realizing I had the equivalent of 18-20 shots of vodka. I was on the floor within 15 minutes. THAT was a bad night.
The basic thesis of all this is use common sense. Don't pressure anyone to drink and don't stay around if you feel pressured to drink. College is about education as well as having fun and alcohol abuse can easily ruin this chance with a stop to either the hospital or an oncoming car.
~Tim
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